I am mentally exhausted

Part of a multi-segmented series on Denial 

In my last court date, I was given mandatory call-ins every day for random UA’s. I have no problem with that and the UA comes first over everything. On the weekends it happens in the morning and I walk to the agency and home. Sundays there is no bus and usually no ride home.

This time of year, has been very cold and icy instead of wet and rainy. I am cold to the bone when I get home and can barely move when I get through the door. Hot water is the only thing that gets me moving again so I soak in a tub for about 45 minutes. This is after a 30-40-minute walk home. I do not move very fast in the cold weather. The humidity up here just gets to me.


I need to change my visit time on Sundays to an hour later so I can be mobile and active. In court, the Thursday before Thanksgiving, I was told that the second visit was to finally be moved to another day. After my previous Sunday visit attempt at rescheduling resulted in getting visits cancelled until the SW was spoken too because FM would not budge on time change. I received a nastygram from the SW about that second visit not being moved to my only other open day and it was selfish of me to move the visit an hour later on Sundays. The GAL followed suit in agreement with the SW.

When I heard from the Visit Supervisor about this past Sunday, I confirmed the time issue on my end still had to be an hour later. I was told the referral was being sent back because I was not willing to cooperate with what the SW put in the referral.

In the court paperwork it states “All parties to agree on visit times” not the mom has to agree to everyone else’s schedule regardless of hers.

I refuse to accept the consistent undermining of my progress and my professional support system from DCYF.

I have dug myself out of the bottomless pit I was in when this started and they continue to undermine myself, my counseling support team, my CDP team, my support system, my home, my honesty, and walking all over my parental rights and disrespecting me. Completely attempting to nullify my feelings, thoughts, and opinions this entire time.

Image credits: Featured, by F-scope Cliparts; Top, by Google; Middle, by Pinterest; Bottom, by Quotes and Sayings About Psychological Abuse

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